It seems like I've been writing and re-writing this post in my head for months now. In truth, it's probably only been a few weeks; but many of the things I want to touch on have been bubbling up in my thoughts for quite some time.
It's no secret that I'm an irregular blogger, and in the last year or so I've been feeling exceptionally uninspired and worse (in my mind), closed off. I'd like to, right now, share a little more of where I'm at.
2010 was kind of rough for me and mine personally, and without going into too much detail, a death in the family early on in the year resulted in what was essentially a year of playing catch up. This came after 2009, which I will forever think of as The Year of Ten Weddings and Too Many Craft Fairs. And while I am extremely grateful to have such dear friends and family to spend time with, and the opportunity to travel for shows, and regret none of the travel & expenses & efforts of that year, I see now that I allowed myself to be carried along by what was being thrown at me, in both personal and work life, instead of making conscious choices about what I really wanted to do.
It's become sort of a pattern for me. I've come to realize that by not making what I wanted and needed to do for me and for my little business (which is my full-time job) a priority, I have allowed myself to be carried along by what life throws at me, rather than choosing what I want to do and focus on.
Want to take part in a cool wholesale show? Sure, even though I don't have enough stock, or enough experience with selling wholesale to know that I don't have enough stock. Want to write a book on dyeing yarn? Definitely, even though I hate precision measuring & writing recipes. Travel across country to a show you know nothing about? Sure, I've never been to that city before!
Basically, I allowed myself to be so concerned with either making enough money or missing out on an opportunity that I said yes to things without stopping to find out if I was really ready or even really interested in what I was saying yes to. And I certainly didn't spend enough time figuring out if the choices I was making were going to bring me to where I eventually wanted to be.
I made things because people were buying them, not because I really wanted to make them. I spun off businesses and started new lines because I thought that that was what I should do. Instead of focusing on the things I started out caring about, I just took on more and more because I thought that was what growing a business meant.
I have been lucky enough not to be ruined by any of the decisions I've made, and I've learned a lot trying out different opportunities that presented themselves. I got by, no matter what came my way, and even thrived. However, I found myself nearing the corner of Exhausted and Burnt Out this past fall, while still being nowhere near Financially Comfortable Land, and figured it was time for some big changes.
As a result, I cut down on the number of shows & commitments I made for the holidays, and started thinking about what I really wanted out of my life and my business. I found and read this book, I slowed down and tried to say no when I wanted to, I took a time out.
Here's what I've decided. I want to keep making things, by hand. Not design them and then have someone else make them. I want to make things that I am proud of and enjoy making, and I want to share them with other like-minded folks without being so concerned about whether my business is growing fast enough or keeping up with what everyone else is doing. When I first started making & selling things, I didn't know enough to care about what others were doing. And I did well. Really, really well. I made things I was proud of and didn't concern myself with trends or markets or the demands and requests of others. And while I do need to stay within the bounds of making a living and running a business, I think it is crucial for me to go back to a place where I have more balance between what I'm happy & proud to be making and what others want from me.
I want to be in a place where I am making deliberate choices about what I make and do, not in a place where I do what I think I should do or what others think I should or want me to do. To that end, I have decided that for me and my small business, 2011 is the Year of Being Deliberate. Making conscious choices that will get me to where I want to be, both short-term and long-term.
First and foremost, I'm working on bringing myself back into my business. I do everything myself-- design, make, package, sell, ship, haul, promote-- so why have I been hiding in the background? I am working on a new, simpler online presence, which includes a lot more about me (and the life behind-the-business-scenes), and I am finally leaving some of my past business monikers behind.
I will still be working with fiber-- dyeing, spinning, carding, knitting -- I can't imagine not having that in my life. But I will also be bringing my fiber work + sewing + jewelry making + illustration combined into the mix, instead of segregating it off to another world of its own. I want to move ahead with all that I do & love, all working together. I'm so excited about the possibilities! Thank you for reading what has been hard for me to write & share.
I've been plotting out lots of projects and things to share. I'll be announcing the new blog-site here very soon, and I hope you will move forward with me there to the next stage of my journey.